The Lowest-Ranked Hero Has Returned
A heavy silence settled over the break room.
In the stillness, as if time had stopped, Iris subtly turned her head to glance at the other party members.
"I'm sorry, everyone, but could you head back first today? Dale has something to discuss with us for a moment."
"Please."
Iris and Yurina both smiled sweetly as they politely issued their request for the others to leave.
No!
Please, don’t go!
As if hearing my desperate internal plea, Berald glanced at me before suddenly jumping to his feet.
"Iris! Yurina! Isn't this too harsh on our dear brother?!"
Oh, yes!
Berald, I knew I could count on you!
"He must have had his reasons for—"
"Shut it."
"My apologies, brother. Iris is too scary."
...You little—
"W-Well then! We’ll be heading off first! Come along, Sophia!"
"Kyaaah! Y-You! Where do you think you're touching?!"
Berald swiftly picked up Sophia and dashed out of the break room.
Clicking her tongue, Camilla then stood up as well.
"This is all just karma coming back to you. Accept it."
"......."
Damn it.
I couldn't come up with a single argument to counter that.
"Well then. See you in the next life— I mean, later."
"I definitely heard 'next life' just now."
"You're imagining things."
Camilla quickly made the sign of the cross in the air before briskly walking out the door.
"......."
And just like that, the only ones left in the break room were me, Iris, and Yurina (in Yuren mode).
“...Dale.”
“Yes?”
I looked at Iris, feeling tense, but surprisingly, she was smiling gently, fitting for someone with the title of ‘Saint.’
"Do you have any idea how worried I was while we lost contact with you?"
"Sorry. I'll make sure nothing like that happens again."
"I believe you."
Iris, sitting to my right, clung to my arm and gently rested her head on my shoulder, as if seeking comfort.
"Sigh. It’s only been about ten days, but... it feels like we’ve been apart for years."
"Come on, it hasn’t been that—"
"Dale, don’t you think so too?"
She smiled sweetly.
"...Yes, of course."
It really does feel like an eternity has passed.
"Hehe. I knew you’d feel the same way."
Iris beamed and rubbed her cheek against my shoulder.
"Iris, that's not fair."
Pouting cutely (oh, right—she’s still in Yuren mode), Yurina hugged my other arm, refusing to lose.
Because she was wearing her pendant, instead of the soft sensation of flesh, I could distinctly feel the firm muscles of her chest pressing against my arm through her clothes.
"Uh... Yurina?"
"Mm? What is it?"
"Um... You're still wearing the pendant..."
"So?"
She smiled playfully and pressed her chest even closer.
"Just in case, I need to keep it on while we're at school."
"......."
Wait.
But you've always taken it off when we’re in the party house...
"Aah~ If only I had gone outside with you, Dale, I could’ve stayed in my natural 'Yurina' form the whole time~."
"...Ugh."
Damn it.
Now I have nothing to say...!
"Hehe. By the way, Dale, have you eaten yet?"
"Huh? No, not yet..."
"Then I'll make you something first."
"I’d love that."
A home-cooked meal by Iris, after so long.
Lately, I had been dining on luxurious meals provided by the royal palace every day, but... no, rather, because I’d been eating only that kind of food, I had been craving a simple, homemade meal from Iris.
"Just wait a moment."
Iris stood up and headed to the kitchen.
Soon, the clattering of utensils and the mouthwatering aroma of cooking filled the air—
"...Huh?"
Wait a minute.
What the hell is she making that smells this fishy?
"Here, today’s menu is a traditional Holy Kingdom-style pie."
Beaming brightly, Iris placed a golden-brown pie on the table.
Okay.
Technically, it was a pie, if we’re just talking about its category of food.
But...
"Why is there a fish head sticking out of it?"
"Oh my, don’t you know? This is a sardine pie, a healthy dish from certain regions of the Holy Kingdom. It’s made by mixing ground sardine meat into the dough and baking it into a pie."
"......."
Sardine pie?
You're telling me they grind fish into the dough to make a pie?
Why would anyone do something so horrifying...?
I hadn’t even tasted it yet, but its appearance alone was already shocking.
Fish heads, arranged like flowers blooming on the surface of the dough, combined with the sweet aroma—tainted by an overpowering fishy stench.
Even though I hadn't eaten anything since morning and was quite hungry, instead of feeling my appetite stir, I felt my stomach churn with nausea.
"Go ahead, Dale."
Iris, smiling brightly, held out a fork to me.
With the guilt weighing on me, I couldn't bring myself to say that I didn't want to eat it.
"......."
Sigh.
Alright.
Maybe it looks bad, but it might actually taste decent?
No matter how infamous Holy Kingdom cuisine is, surely they wouldn’t make something inedible... right?
"Thanks for the meal."
Forcing an awkward smile, I cut a piece of the sardine pie and put it in my mouth.
And then—
"Ugh...!"
A mouthful of pure fishy horror.
If it were just fishy, that would have been fine.
But the combination of sugary sweetness with that intense fishy flavor was an unprecedented assault on my taste buds.
It was like biting into a grilled fish coated in sugar.
"Urgh... ugh... bleh."
"Does it not suit your taste?"
Iris lowered her eyes sadly.
"I put so much love into making this for you..."
"Ah, no! It's fine! I-I can eat it...!"
"Oh my, really? I’m so relieved."
Smiling sweetly, Iris picked up a large piece of pie—with an entire fish head still attached—and held it up to my mouth.
"Dale, say 'ahh'~."
“.......”
“Come on, say ‘Ah.’”
“Yes, Saintess.”
Yeah.
I knew this was going too easily.
“Urgh.”
And just like that, half a sardine pie was shoved into my mouth.
I clamped my lips shut, enduring the disgusting, fishy stench rising up from within.
“Fufu. You did well.”
Like praising a child for eating their most hated vegetable, Iris patted my head, ruffling my hair.
“Now then, it's time for ‘dessert,’ isn't it?”
Twitch.
My shoulders instinctively flinched at the word "dessert."
When I looked up at Iris with a tearful expression, she only smiled darkly and scooted right next to me.
“For dessert, I’ve prepared cherries.”
“...Cherries?”
Where?
I glanced around, but I didn’t see any cherries.
“Where are you looking? They’re right here, beside Dale.”
Tapping her lips with her finger, Iris grinned.
It was then that I realized what she meant by “dessert.”
“Uh... Can I at least brush my teeth first?”
“No. I can’t wait any longer.”
Iris pulled me close and pressed her lips against mine.
The soft, entwining sensation of her tongue filled my mouth.
I had just eaten that horrific sardine pie, so I expected a terrible fishy smell to linger—but somehow, as if by magic, the only thing I tasted in her kiss was sweetness.
“Pwah.”
When we finally pulled apart, Iris looked at me with a hazy, intoxicated gaze.
“Haa... Since it’s been a while since I last tasted you, Dale, you feel even more special.”
No.
Don’t say it like that.
You’re making it sound like I’m some kind of local delicacy.
“I... I enjoyed the dessert too.”
“Oh my, don’t act like it’s already over. There’s still more dessert left.”
“...Huh?”
Thinking she wanted another kiss, I turned to look at her.
But she only smirked mischievously.
Taking my hand, she placed it against her chest and continued speaking.
“Right here, inside... There are still two cherries left.”
“...Excuse me?”
I think I misheard.
“It’s a little embarrassing, but... Since Yurina has already been with you, Dale, it’s not like we have anything to hide from each other, right?”
“W-wait, no matter what, this is—”
“Dale’s right, Iris.”
Yes, yes.
Yurina is the only one I can rely on.
Unlike that wicked saintess, at least she’s rational—
“Kissing was Iris’s idea, so this one’s mine!”
What the hell is she saying now?
“Come here, Dale!”
With a determined shout, Yurina unbuttoned her shirt, revealing her chest.
A well-toned, muscular chest.
The sight of her... or rather, him, hit me like a punch to the brain.
“No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!”
Please, Yurina.
At least take off the pendant first...!
“Here I go.”
Aaaaaaaaaaah!!!
After sharing a... deep reunion with Iris and Yurina, I staggered back toward the dormitory through the darkened school corridors.
“...Urgh.”
Never again.
I will never, ever go radio silent again.
With deep, soul-crushing regret, I finally arrived at my dorm room.
“Phew.”
At least now their anger seemed to have subsided.
‘Tonight, I can finally get some proper rest.’
Honestly, I felt even more exhausted than when I fought against the Apostles of Destruction.
But at least they hadn’t followed me to my room.
Tonight, I could finally sleep in peace.
Click.
With that thought in mind, I opened the door.
“Mm... Ahh...”
A familiar moaning sound came from inside.
“...Haa. Dale’s scent... I love it. Dale... where are you? Why won’t you contact me? It’s so cold... I can’t last a single day without you... Why... Why didn’t you reach out to me? Hm? Dale, Dale, Dale, Dale, Dale, Dale....”
A lump in the bed.
Something squirming beneath the blankets.
“...Haa. Your scent isn’t enough... Dale... I need your warmth... Haa. If I had known it would come to this, I should’ve... cut off a piece of you and frozen it... Should’ve done that....”
“......”
Click.
I closed the door again.
“Phew.”
I looked up at the night sky.
The pitch-black void stretched above me, not a single star in sight.
“...I’m sleeping at the party house tonight.”
Just as I turned to leave—
Creak.
The door slowly opened.
A figure stepped out, wrapped in a blanket, her mouth barely visible.
Smiling sweetly, she whispered.
“Dale, you’re back?”
I waited.
Always.
Right here.
Shivering in the cold.
Lying in your bed.
Believing you would return.
Thinking only of our time together.
Remembering every moment of you.
“I’ve been waiting for you.”

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