Eternally Regressing Knight
Chapter 380 - I Don't Want To
The boatman continued.
"You have to kill her with your own hands for it to end."
This meant that the wall wouldn't be over unless Aishia was killed.
"Really?"
Enkrid unconsciously asked back.
"I gave you the clue from the start."
At the captain's words, Enkrid briefly closed his eyes and fell into thought.
'What happened to Eishia beyond the hallway?'
She must have died. Probably.
It's a guess, but a feeling close to certainty.
If that's the case, then Aishia's death itself might have triggered the repetition of today?
Enkrid recalled the death of Aishia from the first "today."
"That's right."
The boatman answered as if reading his mind.
Enkrid instinctively felt that there was not a single lie in the boatman's words.
From the start, the boatman had never misled him with lies.
He had said everything correctly. It was just that Enkrid hadn't listened to it straightforwardly.
"Kill her. Then you will pass."
With those words, his vision became blurry.
Through the fading sight, the captain's voice echoed once more.
"Enjoy this too."
It was a voice filled with anticipation.
Enkrid opened his eyes. It was a new today.
"Should I kill her?"
That's what the boatman had said the wall was about—overcoming it by killing her.
It was dawn before the break of day. Enkrid moved as usual. He went outside to move his body. The technique of isolation. While doing so, his thoughts wandered.
When the body moves, the mind often works better.
"Should I kill her?"
The same question lingered in his mind.
Enkrid couldn't focus. Even though he realized it himself, he couldn't do anything about it.
"Why?"
He asked himself the reason. The answer seemed close, yet elusive. The time spent pondering grew long.
Andrew came and said something, but Enkrid responded briefly and continued his monotonous movements.
He started today with distractions clouding his mind.
"You bastard!"
He met the constable, and once again repeated what he had done countless times in previous "todays."
"Kill her and you'll pass."
The answer was clear. The solution was simple. He had killed many with his own hands before.
In an era of chaos, murder could hardly be called a crime.
Aishia stood in his way.
She was a junior knight. She must have known that facing someone could lead to death. She was likely prepared for that.
So, he should just kill her.
"Kill her. Then you will pass."
The voice echoed in his head again.
As he faced Eishia, the same opportunity didn't come again. Too many distractions clouded his mind. He couldn't overpower her with skill alone.
"You're losing steam. If you don't want to fight, go back."
Someone with junior knight status would likely use fragments of Will. It was part of their willpower. Those with complicated minds often wielded chaotic swords.
Aishia pointed that out.
"I don't want that."
She immediately responded to the jab and drew her sword again. She used technique to defend and reflexively swung her sword. And so, one today passed.
Today, Enkrid couldn't kill Aishia, but Aishia also couldn't kill Enkrid.
It felt like a meaningless day.
The guilt that came from wasting time.
Those things filled his chest.
For once, it wasn't a day of struggles and flailing, but one where he surrendered to familiarity.
Then someone seemed to hit him on the back of the head.
No, they actually did hit him.
Bang!
"...What is this? I think an explanation is necessary."
Enkrid asked while still in the position from the hit, his neck bent forward.
"Looks like a curse was planted in your head. Such curses are my palm's specialty and divinity."
Rem spoke as he held his palm upward. Sunlight shone on his hand.
"Blessed be the divinity that rests in my palm."
He was acting like a madman doing something crazy.
"...Why does he even keep on living?"
Jaxen spoke rarely.
"Come at me if you want to die."
Ragna personally let Rem know that he would gladly kill him.
"Shut up if you don't know anything."
Rem retorted. Enkrid had a thought upon seeing this.
Would it be easier if they just told him to kill Rem instead of Aishia?
Of course, Rem wouldn't just let himself be killed.
In fact, if they asked him to kill Rem, he wouldn't even consider it...
A bolt of lightning struck his mind. The shock of the blow rattled his skull and brain.
"A curse?"
That was the one word he muttered.
"Stop with your useless thoughts."
Rem made a gesture, poking at his own head with his index finger.
"Is there any need to complicate things?"
"Ah."
A sigh escaped him.
Why had he felt guilty about wasting the day?
Why couldn't he spend today to the fullest?
It was like his arms and legs were shackled.
Those shackles had begun with the boatman's words.
"Kill her, and you'll pass."
He hadn't liked that statement.
His heart wouldn't move.
He knew he had to kill her, but he didn't want to. He didn't want to do it, so his heart wouldn't move.
This wall wasn't something to be overcome by killing Eishia. He decided that.
With that thought, Enkrid opened his mouth with sincerity and resolve.
"I don't want to."
It was just four words.
They didn't even need to be said.
But there was truth in those words.
If words can have strength, it was because they came from someone who had shown action.
Enkrid's day, everything he had experienced, had now lent power to his words.
So there was a resonance.
It resonated. The words, spoken with a unified heart, spread beyond his chest to the hearts of those around him.
Rem scratched his head with the finger that had been tapping his head and said.
"Then just keep going."
What could anyone say to stop him after he said it with that much conviction?
There is no perfect person in the world. Even a leader must have moments like that.
"Yeah. I don't want to."
Enkrid said, smiling widely.
"I understand."
"I don't want to."
He smiled brightly and made eye contact.
"Ah, fine. I get it."
"No."
"No?, I said I understand?"
"No."
"I get it, I was wrong. I'll let it go."
Rem gave Enkrid a tap on the back of his head.
Enkrid looked at it and said.
"No."
"Damn!"
And then he laughed.
It wasn't directed at him. It didn't matter.
Whether today repeats or not, who cares about Rem's misunderstanding?
He's someone who'll forget it soon enough.
Again, today repeats. He endured, just as before. This time, there was a chance to kill Aishia, but he let her go.
The boatman appeared in the dream again. He spoke.
"You must be talking to me."
Enkrid nodded.
"Then you'll be trapped in today. Is that what you want? To give up your dream just to save one person, just because fate brought you together?"
The boatman spoke of dreams.
His words were sharp, like a blade. A strike aimed at the heart.
But Enkrid's heart was shielded by the Frog's heart armor, so the blade was stopped.
"You should just subdue them completely and leave."
"What?"
Enkrid's dream was that of a knight.
A knight with outdated ideals.
What he had learned about knights were through poems and songs.
That was his standard. His virtue. His belief. The vow to protect the weak and his companions.
Hadn't he told the Marquis as well?
"I've come to reduce the number of monsters and beasts. I've come to protect those who cherish their people. I've come to punish those who oppress others with force. I've come to protect the weak and preserve the dreams of those with hope."
Aishia had her reasons. He had faintly sensed it through the countless repetitions of today.
"I'll subdue her without killing."
"Do you think that's possible?"
What couldn't be done?
Enkrid spoke with his eyes, and the boatman didn't say anything further.
Again, he closed his eyes and opened them. It was the same today, but his mindset had changed. It would be more accurate to say he had a new goal.
He wasn't going to kill Aishia; he was going to subdue her. That's what he decided.
Killing was something he didn't want to do.
That crazy bastard.
The boatman's echo could be heard again, but this time, he ignored it.
Thus, he faced another day that began as a constable and ended with Aishia.
And so, two hundred forty repetitions of today passed.
"What?"
Aishia reacted to the words just spoken.
"Why are you blocking my way? That's what I'm asking."
From the start, there was a sense of wrongness. Was Aishia here because she wanted to be?
'Half and half.'
If she truly turned against him, he could just watch as she killed him. But she didn't. She blocked his way again. She said she didn't need to kill him, yet she risked her own life to do so.
Before dying, she even spoke of her younger sibling. He remembered that.
More than anything, he felt it as they exchanged swords.
What he saw, heard, and judged while repeating today.
Enkrid mixed everything together in his mind. The process of unraveling the tangled thoughts and organizing them continued silently.
As Krais always said, in the realms of intuition and instinct, Enkrid had an innate gift.
"Was your younger sibling taken hostage?"
Aisha's hand twitched. He knew this well after facing a knight like her, someone he had fought before. She wasn't someone who could be shaken by a few words or provocations.
Yet her response was unusual. Her younger sibling must hold significant meaning for her.
Before he could finish speaking, a murderous intent similar to what Aisha had previously shown flowed from her body. It was denser and stronger than before. Her pressure was palpable, and it gave off a heavy feeling.
Naturally, Enkrid's Will, rejecting that pressure, was triggered.
He stood tall, shaking off the pressure, and stared at her.
Aisha's aura waned a bit, though her intensity remained.
No longer was it the intent to kill but the fighting spirit to clash.
"Yeah, I guess you weren't the kind of guy who would get mixed up with those kinds of people. How did you figure it out?"
"Instinct."
"...I see, at least your head works well."
Aishia remembered how, while staying at Andrew's mansion, she had spoken of her younger sibling herself.
That was the basis for his deduction.
Of course, because today had repeated, he had learned this relatively easily. Aishia couldn't have known this.
"Half of it is that."
Aishia continued, and Enkrid, too, didn't think her being here was solely because of a hostage.
She likely had other choices.
But what was her reason for blocking his way?
"What's the other half?"
Aishia hesitated, taking a few moments to think. Then, she exhaled and spoke.
"If you don't want to die, leave. That's all I have to say."
It was said with a restrained, stiff tone, pushing aside any lively energy.
"Why? If I don't leave, will I just die?"
It was another guess, and once again, he was right.
"Did you learn telepathy or something? That'd be troublesome."
"That's not it."
It was simply because he knew, through repeating today, that behind Aisha stood someone who could sever her connection.
Her skill? It was likely at the level of Rem or Ragna. If not, despite being exhausted, Aishia wouldn't have been able to be captured so easily. That was probably the reason she kept dying.
His task now was to reach that point.
Enkrid tightened his grip on his sword. Aishia's gaze faltered for a moment as she noticed this.
"Just leave. Half of it is a plea."
Half again?
Enkrid thought and stared directly at her, asking.
"the other half?"
"It's a threat."
Enkrid nodded.
"I respect your judgment, Aishia, the junior-knight."
He meant it. It was always sincere, a genuine sentiment.
Because he respected her decision, he respected it fully.
But Enkrid decided to push beyond that.
"Even if I let you go, you'll still die."
Aishia's pressure intensified, but Enkrid didn't listen.
Instead, he took a deep breath, adjusted his sword belt, and changed his stance, committing every detail of his surroundings to memory.
He had repeated today over three hundred times. Most of the time, he could remember the location of everything just by glancing at it.
The ornamental sword hanging nearby, the position of the window, the vase—he remembered everything.
"You can't stop me."
Enkrid, fully poised, declared.
Even if it wasn't today, on another iteration of today, he would overcome this.
Aishia's memory only contained the image of Enkrid, whose sword tip he couldn't surpass.
"Prove it."
A smile appeared on her face before she even realized it. The confidence he exuded, the unwavering stance, was captivating.
Becoming a junior-knight meant living with that kind of determination.
More than anything, Enkrid ignited a fervor in everyone around him.
Naturally, it had an impact on Aishia as well.
She didn't want him to die, so she wouldn't send him off. And she wouldn't kill him.
She extended her sword, aiming it directly at him.
The sword tip.
If she couldn't surpass it, the battle couldn't even begin. Aisha unconsciously felt a sense of anticipation.
Perhaps, for the first time, she thought, 'Maybe he'll surpass my skills?'
His aura was so full of confidence, could it be that she felt that certainty?
During their sparring, she had seen glimpses of it, but why was she feeling it so strongly now?
She didn't know.
It was simply her intuition as a junior-knight.
She focused more than ever, gathering her Will, and abandoned the pressure of retreat, focusing solely on her sword's tip.

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