Season 5: Chapter 69. The Weight of Showing Up (1)
A
hikikomori
was a shut-in who would not leave their room. The phenomenon first emerged in Japan, so the Japanese word,
hikikomori
, became the proper noun for it.
The Japanese and Korean temperaments were quite different, yet this social phenomenon had a way of crossing that gap.
Perhaps not to the same degree as Japan, but people in Korea were also worn down by a hyper-competitive society. They began disappearing into self-imposed isolation, unable to accept themselves. Parents started averting their eyes when someone asked how their grown child was doing.
"Oh my, Ji-Hu's mom? It's been so long!"
Ah...
Yuna's mom."
"Ji-Hu must be doing well? Come to think of it, didn't he graduate by now?"
"Ji-Hu is on a leave of absence."
"Oh, is that right? Still waiting on the military?"
"Yeah..."
When one actually heard why a
hikikomori
couldn’t leave their room, the reasons were rarely dramatic. That was the worst part. When a major trauma was involved, at least one would know what kind of problem they were dealing with. What if nothing particular happened, and they just quietly retreated?
‘Why can't I go outside? What is wrong with me?’
Even they couldn't figure it out. They couldn't say when the fear had started, or why leaving had become terrifying. It wasn't like meeting people made them foam at the mouth, or sunlight made them combust like a vampire. When the moment came to actually go out, it usually seemed like they'd be fine. And yet they couldn't go.
‘Damn it. Damn it!’
It had been three years of this now. Three years without eating with his family, without even seeing their faces. It wasn't that he didn't crave interacting with people. He was lonely and genuinely wanted to talk to someone. And he genuinely didn't want to. The only friends he'd ever had, caught in that contradiction, were streamers.
[Hello Treevy~]
[Hey there.]
[Ah, nice to be here...]
Of all of them, the one he watched with the most joy was...
[Chikicha!]
Almond's stream.
"Ch... chikicha!"
A chant he couldn't help shouting along to.
"Ah, Almondoyle!"
Watching Almond was shamelessly addictive and weirdly warm. When he came back to himself, he was already making a video on Almond.
[A Certain Town's Number One Gorgeous Girl Somehow Fell for a Nut Rather Than a Human Being?!]
It was a ridiculously long title. A crude parody video about the nonexistent love story between Almond and Jessie. It received a great response.
[Hello. We're Mixed Nuts, the management handling streamer Almond's...]
One day, he received an email. Apparently, they would pay him just to make videos with no commute required.
‘Really?’
He knew that world existed... but never imagined it could exist for him.
‘My videos are a mess.’
He'd just been making whatever he felt like and putting it up. His storyboards were all parodies, so some videos even had their monetization blocked.
[Macaron, your videos have been getting a strong response from audiences, and we'd love to work together...]
‘Obviously, I'm doing this then!’
That was how Macaron became Almond's editor. This meant he'd never have to grovel to his parents for money. He could order pizza whenever he wanted. By any measure, this was a good thing. However, the job made him retreat deeper into his room than ever.
‘There's... so much work!’
Still, he enjoyed it. He hadn't planned on going outside anyway. Having work to do and being recognized for it genuinely felt good.
‘I'm probably in the top one percent of shut-ins.’
He even developed this absurd kind of pride.
‘I earn my own money. I'm not a burden on my parents. I even take out the trash!’
Maybe it was better to have some kind of pride. The problem was, it didn't last. When the nature of the work changed, cracks began appearing in this perfect hermit's world.
[... Mixed Nuts is transitioning to an office-based model to expand and move toward a larger...]
The announcement was written in the kind of grandiose corporate-speak that reeked of big company energy. For Macaron, it boiled down to something very simple.
"They want me to... to commute?"
Thud.
Macaron's forehead hit the desk. "
Hah...
That day, his world had effectively collapsed.
During the weeks he went dark, Macaron slid back into his old life entirely. He watched streams for no reason, made pointless little videos by himself only to delete them, and sat sighing.
He barely ate. Even though he'd been the one to back away from work, it felt like his reason for existing had been taken away.
Bzzt.
Bzzt.
Calls and messages kept coming from the director. He didn't pick up, or more accurately, he couldn't. Macaron knew full well what it meant to go silent without warning like this. This would be it. He'd never be able to work with Mixed Nuts again.
Ugh...
" He cracked one eye open and forced himself to check at least Ju-Hyeok's messages. "
Ughhh!
He instantly regretted it. They were terrifying and radiated the cold efficiency of a conglomerate executive. That person just scared him!
Bzzzz!
[Team Lead Seo Ji-Ah: Macaron, did you watch Almond's stream today? Lol]
The other editor, Seo Ji-Ah, messaged him. She'd never reached out informally before.
‘She's basically the only person I have any kind of conversation with...’
Outside his family, Ji-Ah was the only person he actually spoke to. Maybe that was why Macaron managed to open his eye a little wider.
‘The stream?’
Her tone didn’t sound cold and terrifying like Ju-Hyeok's. She mentioned Almond's stream like she'd had fun watching it.
[Team Lead Seo Ji-Ah: ShyNapoleon’s mission failed for the first time ever. The team was unhinged. BornToB AND Bubblegum in the same match. I swear this wasn't staged!]
"How is that even possible?"
The moment he saw BornToB and Bubblegum in the same match, Macaron immediately watched the VOD. He found himself snickering, just smiling and letting the time drift by.
"Genuinely hopeless."
A hopeless team, and then Almond died to make the hopeless situation complete.
"Like me."
It felt exactly like his own life. He was a hopeless existence.
“Let's show them,”
Bubblegum said, dead seriously. “That even trash... can pull it off.”
This statement casually called his entire team trash, but Macaron heard something different in it.
His eyes opened wide for the first time. From that moment on, he was desperate to know how this team's story would end.
‘Can trash... actually do something?’
His gaze drifted to the pile in the corner of his room. He'd been saying he would clean it up for a week and hadn't touched it.
‘Could that pile... become something?’
The immediate answer came quickly enough.
Boom!
The Kraken’s tentacle surged up, and the fight ended in a pointless anticlimax.
[Kraken → Bubblegum]
The trash that had seemed on the verge of something went back to being trash.
"Oh come on! They lost!"
In his frustration, Macaron grabbed the trash from his desk and hurled it at the bin.
Thunk!
Then, a thought came to him.
‘Do you... have to win to matter?’
Did every story only mean something if it ended in victory? If a loss made it meaningless, then what about the other side? What happened to their time? Was it no different from the trash in that bin? Was it meaningless? If that was how it worked, how many people in this world actually meant something?
Only one could win per league. Actually, why was there so much trash in that pile to begin with? All those crumpled papers, what were those?
‘I was working on video storyboards...’
That pile of trash, eight out of ten pieces were storyboards he'd sketched and thrown away. Was that meaningless?
Macaron sat there dazed for a moment. Then, he threw the trash back into the bin.
Thunk...!
It went in.
‘Ah...!’
An idea struck him.
‘This could be interesting.’
His hands moved on their own. He didn't need a storyboard anymore. All those crumpled ones were right there, weren't they? Those pieces of trash were already in his head. They hadn't been storyboards for this video, but they had potential. He stitched them together like puzzle pieces.
The Smart Young Man, Zelo's Raina, and the meeting with Popcorn... One thread pulled together many pieces. Many stitches became one current, and many colors became one pattern. And so, these pieces of trash...
[Trash Slam Dunk]
[#Trending - 1st]
Became something.
— lmaooooooo
— So funny lmao
— Gum bro!!
— Oh this is a Macaron video lmao
— LetMeTank had it the worst
— Epilogue: the Smart Young Man ended up receiving even more in donations...
— Smart Young Man! Smart Young Man! Smart Young Man!
Countless live comments and more rolled in.
‘I... got... first place?’
Macaron couldn't believe it. His videos had done well a handful of times before, but his niche style had never taken first. Even for a moment in real time, achieving first place was no easy task. Ji-Ah, who was genuinely talented, could only crack it occasionally when she had a really big collab episode behind her.
‘But from a placement match?’
It hadn’t been a special episode or anything. Almond’s team had even lost in the end.
‘I did this...’
In a way, this stream could’ve just been incinerated like trash. However, this trash became something.
"I DID IT!"
Thud!
Macaron had no idea how.
He walked through the door like how he did yesterday. Dinner was on the table, and his place had been set as if he’d come out and eat with them.
"You came out? Come eat."
His bowl of stew and his spoon were all waiting for him.
There was a moment of stillness. Macaron, no, Kim Ji-Hu, walked slowly toward the family table and sat down. This was home-cooked food shared with his family, not delivery eaten alone.
Kim Ji-Hu couldn't say how long it had been. He genuinely couldn’t, yet it felt like he'd just eaten here yesterday. His family picked up their spoons and started eating without a word. Naturally, as if nothing had changed.
His younger sister rattled on about something that happened at school. Apparently, her friends had teased her for being bad at English. It was that kind of idle, ordinary chatter.
"So, oppa. Teach me English."
"Huh?"
"You're good at English."
His sister's eyes had an unusual brightness like a lake so full that it would soon spill over.
"Okay." As Ji-Hu nodded, he felt something warm at the corner of his eyes and understood.
He probably had the same eyes as his sister right then.
"But I'm not good at English. I'm just better than you."
"Hey!"
Dinner finished, and Macaron went back to his room.
Phew...
He gathered his courage and picked up the phone he'd been burying for weeks.
[Team Lead Seo Ji-Ah: The video is so good!]
[Team Lead Seo Ji-Ah: The numbers are great too, have you checked?]
[Team Lead Seo Ji-Ah: Also, you don't have to actually come into the office. The director just kind of went overboard with that...]
Seo Ji-Ah sent him many more messages. She was clearly trying to ease him back in.
‘Right, I won't have to commute. I already proved I can produce results from here.’
He barely managed to step outside his room. Commuting was still out of the question.
Ugh...
Macaron pressed his hands over his face. He'd once seen a video of Almond, Ji-Ah, and Ju-Hyeok together at some restaurant. It looked like a livestream at a kimchi stew restaurant. They all looked so comfortable with each other, and he'd felt an ache while watching it.
Could he be part of something like that? He allowed himself to imagine it.
‘But that's just not possible for me!’
He groaned, grabbed his own hair, and pulled at it.
"Oh, to hell with it!"
Trembling, he pressed the call button. He pressed it as if he were calling a black-market organ dealer. The person on the other end of those eighteen missed calls was...
[Mixed Nuts Director Kim Ju-Hyeok]

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